I am a mother of a son who is to get married soon. Multiple emotions are flowing in my mind. Though I am left with a few hours to relax and ponder amidst tasks that need to be fulfilled by any Indian mother who is overseeing her child’s marriage, this is the time I should share tips with my son which I hope will be useful for him to build a strong, healthy and happy relationship with his wife.
We have completed 30 years of our marriage. Ups and downs are a part of every married couple’s lives. You too will have your own bitter, sweet experiences.
As a mother, I want to share a few things with you which I have learned out of my experiences gathered from an exciting journey called marriage. You can take it as 6 pieces of advice from your mother who wants you and your bride to be the happiest couple in the world.
Be blessed, my son.
A mother’s advice to her soon-to-be married son.
There are no one-size-fits-all secrets for a successful marriage. Spouses work together to make them successful.
- You must be a bit worried about making adjustments, sharing responsibilities and discharging duties of a married man but, it is nothing in comparison to what your bride will be doing. Don’t ever take her for granted. She is leaving her known environment where she grew up and is coming to live with us. We will be having a daughter of our own, henceforth we will treat you both equally and support you both impartially.
- “If you be patient with Ramesh, a few years down the line, he will be a great husband.” At that time I was not sure about what your grandma meant to say about your father. I was a month old bride, a shy and a bit nervous girl of 22 years. With time, I understood the value of the advice that your grandma passed on to me. A marriage is about patience. Both of you should give each other time and space to grow and become better human beings. To lose patience is to lose a thread of faith in each other. And yes, your grandma was absolutely correct in her prediction.
- The worst thing is to compete with your wife except in one thing, and that is to out-love each other. Love can overcome all shortcomings, overlook little irritants and blend all differences. Soon you will understand that there are no “right” or “wrong” ways of doing tasks but there are only different ways of doing them.
- As I have always taught you my son, use your words with kindness in your heart and intelligence in your brain. Even today, I regret some words that I said to your father. I wish I could pause a bit before uttering them. Anger provokes us to say harsh words in haste, which we regret later, when we regain our self-control. We can forgive the speaker but we can never forget the words.
- As a mother, I am proud to see that you respect people irrespective of their age, status, profession, and beliefs. I expect that you will also treat your wife and her family members with utmost respect. In the 3 decades of our married life, both I and your father have realized that, if you respect each other, you can also transform arguments into fruitful discussions. Son, respect the beliefs, opinions and values of your wife. With respect, it is easier for us to accept people as they are.
- Perhaps the biggest challenge married couples of your generation go through is to make time for each other from their busy professional lives. As we have given you every opportunity to build your career, your in-laws did the same for their daughter. Hence, don’t expect her to compromise her career to give time to you and her in-laws. You are equally responsible to make time for each other, for your parents and for your in-laws.
May wisdom and experience guide you through your marriage. We are always there for you. We always bless you. Begin a new chapter of your life with a broad perspective, a kind heart and a strong mind. Lead a virtuous life and make your marriage an inspiration for others to emulate.