This article narrates the married life of Gurpreet, a Sikh girl and Harpreet, a Punjabi Boy. (names changed)
Overview:
Gurpreet, an independent and opinionated woman, was always against the idea of getting married to a Punjabi boy. This was because time and again she was a witness to the underrated yet obvious fact that almost all Punjabi boys are ‘Mama’s Boy’. To her, the problem did not lie in being a mama’s boy but in being less opinionated and thriving on the belief that the male kind was a superior one.
When in circa 2008 she grew deeper and closer in love with Sikhi, she declared that she would prefer marrying someone who shared the similar beliefs. However, what followed next was a deep dilemma that froze Gurpreet’s brain. She found herself between these thoughts:
- Almost all Sikh boys are Punjabi.
- Punjabi boys are raised with the idea that their gender is the superior one.
- They have been spoon-fed by their mothers all their lives which makes them strongly believe that women are meant to serve.
- They either drink a lot or don’t drink at all.
- Narrow mindedness.
Gurpreet’s Perception Gets Real:
When Gurpreet started dating Harpreet, she often had to listen to comments like; “When you become a Housewife…” or “When we have five children…” or “When you’ll cook for me…”
The first comment brought this dilemma in Gurpreet’s mind that is Harpreet going to decide what she wants to do with her life? Does marrying him mean allowing him to invade her beliefs, obstruct her thoughts and choose for her?
The second comment made her wonder, “Five children?” The decision must be mutual, right? And is Harpreet ever going to indulge into something that is widely known as family planning?
The last comment was like a confirmation to everything she always assumed. To gain clarity, she also asked Harpreet whether they would ever “cook together” to which Harpreet seemed excited and said that was something he was looking forward to. However, after trying to “cook together” three times, Gurpreet realized that after some time, Harpreet simply vanished from the kitchen and appeared after everything was done.
To Gurpreet, cooking wasn’t a big deal. But she wanted to erase this notion from Harpreet’s mind that only women are associated with the kitchen and not men. When she confronted Harpreet on this, he said that he thought that cooking was something Gurpreet enjoyed doing for him.
Conclusion:
With every comment that Harpreet passed with regards to the patriarchy that Punjabi boys are born and brought up in, she realized that Harpreet, as a husband, was a fine man. It was the way he was raised and the things he was exposed to made him believe that it makes you less of a man if you help your wife in the kitchen. Harpreet grew up watching his mother in the kitchen and devoting her life to serve the men in his family and this is what feels true to him.
Why did Gurpreet marry Harpreet anyway?
The main reason why she decided on living the rest of her life with Harpreet who was sexist in so many ways was because Harpreet was willing to change. When she asked him whether he wanted to help in bringing equality in the family, he said yes and that is what has kept Gurpreet going on with her Sikh wedding.
The Art Of Living Matrimony encourages the notion of equality between the couple. Sikh grooms and Sikh brides shall find the person of their choice here. We give individuals a comfortable space and platform to meet, interact and connect.
